Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
