i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would fuck him just for his dog
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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