He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
