so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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