Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
