You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
