we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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