You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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