I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize