Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
