Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
