when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
