Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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