I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
