paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
