She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
