My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
