You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
