Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
