people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
