Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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