Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
