dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
