Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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