I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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