look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
