I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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