Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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