is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
