I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I faked an abortion last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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