Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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