the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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