Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
