Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
