Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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