shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
