I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need moral support for this bender
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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