i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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