i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's always time for handjobs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
