Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
