Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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