Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
