Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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