Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
