Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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