My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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