Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
