Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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