That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
