mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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