For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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