my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize