I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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