I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
