I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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