his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
