I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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