3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
