He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will be naked everywhere
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
