Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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