i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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