how can u be prego again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
