i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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