My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
