im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
